A few weeks ago I found out I had tendinitis through my entire arm (shoulder to fingers), needless to say I have not been able to write much if at all. My progress for my business took a hit and I, well, I stayed at home and ate chips. In an effort to be honest, I share not only the good, but the bad as well.
A year ago I was sick for a month, not knowing what was going on with my body. I had test after test, the lovely folks taking my blood saw bruising from the prior draws, from the IV from the endoscopy, yet nothing came back. I was still sick and throwing up every day. It reminded me of the migraines I have had since 11th grade with no reasoning. The doctors finally decided it must be my overactive gall bladder and scheduled me or surgery. Thankfully my parents were able to be with me through the recovery since I moved a million miles (several states) away.
But honestly, it was meant to be. Through my illness and recovery I was FORCED to pause, to really be with myself and uncover what I wanted. I was in a job that stressed me to the point of sickness (obviously) and I felt like there was no way to win. Two jobs in one persons body does not work out so well; the day of my return my job was eliminated and I was left unemployed thinking I had failed. Once again I sit with questions as my arm/hand heals. I am faced with body image issues, not being as healthy or looking like I want to. I am not nice to my body and in turn, it is not nice to me. I am slowly realizing that the only think I failed was me.
I stopped listening to my intuition, my heart. I went down paths I thought I would never walk down and honestly am ashamed of. I was in relationships with narcissists and felt so little value in who I was that I wondered WHO in fact, I was. I abused my body with food, with laziness, with cruel words. I focused so hard on the mistakes of the past and the dream of the future that I lost the present. I was in a swamp land, my words the alligator bites on my skin. Shifting your mindset and self talk is NOT easy. I honestly don't like all photos right now. Though my self talk is improving, it is a DAILY task. I am not willing to fail myself again. I may not be where I want to be body-wise, health wise, but I am on my way. This arm pause, forced me to remember- it's okay to go slow, to be patient.
This is all to say we each have our own journey. We all have stuff we wish we could undo, unsay, un-think. It makes us who we are, and honestly- the lessons that I have learned in my lifetime, I believe, allow me to better understand and help those going through the same thing. I am learning not to give up on my dreams and to trust that still small voice inside guiding me. ALL of what I went through has led me to this, to coaching- to founding Guided Path Coaching. THIS is my dream, my courage to step out of the shadows to share my voice, to write books of my dreams and speak to men and women who need to hear my voice, my story and know that they are not alone. YOU are seen and loved. Even when you look at the mirror and can't face who you see, who you may have become. There is always a reason. TRUST.