I don't know when I realized I "shouldn't" feel angry. I just know that it was an emotion I never expressed. I bottled it down and down until I was sick to my stomach, or maybe that is where the migraines came from. I hid my emotions from the world, from the kids at school who would tease me, from my teachers because I didn't want to be called out, from my parents so I could be "strong" and from myself- because, let's face it- I didn't want to (face it that is).
I kept so much anger inside. I was always the positive one, the one who could take a beating and come up smiling. The eternal optimist, but let me tell you, it is TIRING! I was so tired of pretending, of wanting to sit in the quiet and cry, of picking up everyone else and leaving my own emotions and self in the dust. I was TIRED. Society has been trained that we do not show our emotions, that it is bad to cry in the workplace, in school, in front of others, in front of no one. We are taught that anger has no place. That anger = violence. That is SOOOO not true. It is so easy to become angry to defend someone else, but we lack the motivation, the feeling of worthiness to be angry on our own behalf. If someone wronged US we eat it, essentially. What if we didn't?
My challenge to you, is to FEEL, to stop apologizing when someone bumps into YOU. To know that your opinions, values and beliefs MATTER, that YOU matter. We can't live our lives for other people, hoping that THEY are happy- what happens then? Does the world fall apart if we feel? if we share our thoughts with others? OR, would it open up in ways you never dreamed possible. So my challenge to start is to begin to notice, when you start pushing your feelings inside, not saying what you really want to say when asked an opinion, given a choice, etc. Notice and when you're ready- try saying what you think/feel. Experiment- that is all it is. You don't know the outcome unless you try something different. We all have this one lifetime- (I tell myself this too- standing up for me is hard) own it.
Love and Gratitude always